2010
December 2010
Have a happy Christmas and a transformationalistic New Year!
***
October 2010
Obama the transformationalist...
I came across this article purely by chance but I thank the god of google for allowing me to welcome Rebecca Figone of the Phoenix Conservative Examiner into the transformationalistic fold. At first one is perhaps tempted to dismiss Mrs. Figone as an illiterate right-wing zealot, but if that is the case, then how on earth did she get the job as pundit? No, if one examines her work more closely, one finds a deliciously witty deconstruction of all that one expects from the moronic underbelly of American political ‘thought’. Consider her opening sentences in this article about President Obama’s transformationalism:
Hello, Phoenix, let's think about history a little today. Who were the transformationalists throughout history? There are many who come to mind. Hitler was one, Mao was another, Stalin and then, of course, we cannot forget Mussolini...does Barack Obama's name belong this list? This author doesn't know, but what she does know is that he has touted the line, "fundamentally transforming America," during his time prior to taking office. Is this a complete list of transformationalists? Well, no, far from it. There are far too many to name and really evaluate in an article.
Transformation does not mean leaving things the same. Soon, our transformation will be more representative of the medieval feudal system. Obama/King, the Barons, his appointees (unconfirmed), knights (the enforcers on all levels held accountable to government)...the Surfs or Villeins (us, the majority of Americans)...please feel free to substitute those the reader’s choice for these groups which seem more fitting.
I particularly like the mis-spelling of ‘Surfs’, which conjures up an image of ‘the majority of Americans’ as members of that popular beat combo, The Beach Boys. And what are we to make of that final line? In such felicities of vocabulary and syntax Mrs. Figone reveals her true intention and avoids the danger of the ‘spoof’ which Frederick Hammersley pointed out in his third treatise on humour, that “folk are dafter than you think”.
All of Rebecca Figone’s articles are available here and I would especially note The art of using the Arts for Power, Control, and Manipulation, Why Americans believe Obama is Muslim..., The word 'marriage' (“the homosexual masses of California”) and New treaty on guns.
***
July 2010
I visited the church at Fenny Bentley the other week to see the peculiar tomb of the Beresfords.
And very odd it is too. A leaflet in the church opined that the sculptor of the tomb was not very good at doing the more traditional representations of the dead people interred beneath, which seemed a bit offhand (and slightly reminiscent of Tony Hancock in The Rebel), and I wondered whether it was more a case of an artist wanting to create something that would scare the living daylights out of the congregation for years to come. It worked on me.
***
May 2010
And to be serious for a moment. I think Gordon Brown should have stuck to his guns when he called that old lady a bigot. The fear of the ‘immigrant’ is one of the main tools used by Mr. Murdoch and his ilk to keep us in check. Another is the resentment of the feckless underclass, which was also supported by all three leaders in their final debate. If we want a real change, why not fine The Sun and The Mail and all the rest, every time they play on these prejudices? The national debt would be cleared within the year.
***
March 2010
Nice to see the Black Swan Society taking its transformationalist brief seriously. The recent operation in Afghanistan was a prime example of transformationalist thinking in regards to warfare. Tell the enemy you’re coming, make a big noise about how much they’re outnumbered, then wait for them to run off and hide. Far fewer casualties that way. Better for morale back home and if the damn natives get uppity somewhere else, then just do it again.
The seeping of transformationalism into the real world rewards close study. Following the collapse of the banking system and the onset of the global recesssion, I began taking note of the so-called Nigerian scam emails I was receiving in my postbox. These took a strange turn for the bizarre at the beginning of the crisis indicating panic among our Nigerian cousins. At first I thought they were handling the problem well when I received an email in September last year from Senator Henshaw Okelesi of Nigeria’s anti-fraud unit, which said my name had come up as one of the ‘scammed victims’. All I had to do to claim my money back was send my details. Clever, I thought, appealing to my baser instincts. I then got one from Mrs Brenda Halls of the British High Commission with the same message telling me to contact her assistant Mr. Patrick Mitch to claim my money back. But then things took one step beyond. I got an email from Chief Tony Eke with the subject line, “Attention Fund Beneficiary Are You Dead??????”. I was feeling a bit poorly, so I wondered if they knew something in Nigeria I didn’t, but I let it pass. The next one was from Miss Billy Jerry (the names were getting stranger, indicating the onset of panic in the world markets):
Dear Friend,
I Am Miss Billy Jerry, secretary to Dr. Timothy Hanson. I’m writing to let you know about your $850, 000, 00 that my boss issued on your name before he traveled out for his business purpose.
I suggest that Dr. Hanson employs a new secretary. The next was from:
OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY ECONOMIC AND
FINANCIAL CRIMES COMMISSION (EFCC)
14A AWOLOWO LANE, IKOYI
LAGOS NIGERIA.
Motto: No Body is Above the Law
FROM THE DESK OF: Mrs. ROSE MOORE
BE CAREFUL OF THE HUDLOOMS
Attention; Beneficiary
I am careful of the hudlooms and will not let them into my house. The next was from Jack Frost (although he signed it Jack Froft) asking me to partner with his client, the Polish warlord Marshall Pilsudski who would be happy to work with me if I was “serious minded”. I declined because I’m not. I also don’t fancy the idea of being a partner to a warlord - not sure whether that’s a real job in Poland these days. Now the next caught my eye because it was from Gulliver - which seemed very fitting. I thought I’d quote this in full since it explains a lot about the problems the bank was having at the time and I believe it is entirely genuine:
Dear Friend,
I am Stuart Thomas Gulliver Director, HSBC London I have a clean business offer worth at £26,000,000.00 Great British Pounds Only to transact with you, I know this format will take you by surprise please accept my sincere apology and kindly reply immediately for details.
Lastly, I want you to understand that this transaction requires trust, honest and above all, utmost confidentiality, to avoid escalating.
Yours Truly
Stuart Thomas Gulliver
Director,
HSBC London
And then I was contacted by Sgt. Tommy Andrew (it occurs to me that whoever invents the names has got one of those Baby Name books and just puts two Christian names together - I am tempted to let them know that they’d be better off getting hold of a telephone directory from somewhere in England, and mixing the two) who is serving in the Third Infantry Division in Iraq and has seen the George Clooney film, Three Kings. The next was from Gail Hale saying there was a certified bank draft of $750,000 deposited with their company TNT Courier Express, but since I had become used to being offered millions, this seemed too paltry an amount to be bothered with. Besides she signed it Hale Gail, which seemed a bit sloppy, and a mite blasphemous. As was the next. I’m sure God wouldn’t approve:
Greetings to you in the name of our lord.
From: Sgt. Vivian Lawson
Address:2212 Linden St. Bethlehem ,
PA 18017 ,United States of America.
Now live in: United Nations Office,
3 Whitehall Court SW1A 2EL London U.K
Dear Beloved one,
Sequel to the email I sent to you earlier by post which was returned as undelivered mail, I hereby contact you again. I have an important secret business to discuss with you and I believe you can help me keep this money which I gain from my peace keeping visit to Iraq with some sacked American soldiers during the peace keeping mission.
I am working with United Nation and I do not know how to explain to my authority who got the money because they will want to take over the 17 Million Dollars. We can work together to achieve success if you will agree to claim the money as donation. We will build schools to help out poor missionaries and orphanages,we willteach people to know and to serve God.
I promised in the name of God, I will adequately compensate you with a reasonable amount if you agree to assist me. Please keep this proposal secret and respond A.S.A.P
Regards,
Sgt. Vivian Lawson (MRS)
They also seem to have a problem with titles, the next came from Mr. Lord Adair Turner, Chairman of the FSA. And you despair when they can’t even get the amount right:
To respected Beneficiary;
This is to bring to your notice that I am delegated from the United Nations to pay 150 scam victims 280,000.00 GBP (TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY GREAT BRITISH POUNDS) each. You are listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount, get back to me as soon as possible for the immediate payments of your 280,000.00 GBP compensations funds.
Yours, sincerely
Accountant Name: Mrs. Corrina Walker(Accountant LSB)
They’re not Great British Pounds, but we let that pass, but what am I entitled to £280,000 or £280? There’s a bit of difference. And don’t be fooled by the reasonable name - the email itself came from Jason Dishong. The next was another Three Kings jobby from Sgt. John Moore, United States Marine Corps. IRAQ. My DVD player broke the other day, the little drawer wouldn’t open but the DVD (disc 4 of season 5 of House) happily kept playing so I had a fleeting thought that maybe I’d have to watch the same four epsidoes of House for the rest of my life, or else buy a new player - note to Nigerian people - buy a new player.
Then you get the ones where your doppelganger has already accepted the initial approach and things are underway. This very detailed email which also threw in a nice film noir, femme fatale twist at the end, came from Mr. Frank Williams:
Hello Dear Friend,
My name is Mr. Frank Williams I am glad to inform you that I have successfully concluded the transaction, the money has been transferred to London through the assistant of Mr. Howard Ferraro who is a London base business man. Currently I am in London with him and my wife and children. However, I did not forget you because you are the source of my success, you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you.
I know it is not your fault or rather your wish to back off on me and the transaction, I understand it was simply because of some circumstances you could not control. In appreciating your assistance, I have compensated you with a sum of $800,000.00 which I have written in certified bank draft in your favour. I left the draft with my secretary MR.HARRY EDWARD [baby book] on my departure to London.I would like you to contact him with the below info and instruct him where to send the draft to because I have directed him on that already. Mean while, I was inform by MY SECRETARY that a woman came to his office A few Days Ago with a letter, claiming to be your true Representative.
HERE IS HER INFORMATION BELOW:
NAME MONA ABOD TAWIL
4031 Villa Vista Palo Alto ,
CA 94306
BANK NAME: CITIBANK ,
ARIZONA , USA .
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 6503809008.
Please, do reconfirm to MY SECRETARY, as a matter of urgency if this woman is from you so that he will not be held responsible for paying into the Wrong Name. If this woman is not your Representative, You are requested to fill and send this information for verification purpose so that your VALID CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT US $800,000.00 EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS WILL NOT BE delivered to the wrong hand please?
1) Your full name
2) Phone, fax and mobile #
3) Residential address
4) Company name, Office position and Company address
5) Profession, Age and marital status
Name: MR.HARRY EDWARD Email: mrharryedward@rocketmail.com Tel: +2348024-964-951 As soon as you receive the BANK DRAFT you let me know because I am busy here trying to put things together and may not be chanced to email you frequently. Once again, thank you very much and free to contact him for your BANK DRAFT.
I will stop here. But free to call him on his direct phone number +234-8023-416-295
With Best Regards,
Frank Williams.Tel: +447045727691
We’re into November 2009 now and I get this from Barrister Morris Douglas (Esq.) suggesting I pretend to be a relative of someone. I’m sure this is illegal, although he says it isn’t, and he’s a barrister so he should know:
DOUGLAS & ASSOCIATES,
4 Albert Embarkment,
London SE1 7SR,
United Kingdom.
ATTENTION:
I am Barrister Morris Douglas. I have a client who bears the same name with you, a foreigner who worked with Mekon Associates Company in London. On the 2nd of August 2003 my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Manchester Express Road, All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.
Since then I have made several inquiries to your Embassy to locate any of my client's extended relatives, all attempt to locate them were unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the internet to locate any member of his family, but of no avail hence I contacted you, I have contacted you to assist me in repatriating the money left behind by my client before they go confiscated or declared unserviced able by the Finance House where these huge deposits were lodged.
Particularly, the Finance House where the deceased had an account valued at about US$20M has issued me a notice to provide the next-of-kin to my late client, failure for me to comply the Bank threatened to get the account confiscated within the next ten official working days. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over nine(9) months now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$20M can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money 50% to me and 50% to you.
I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make, all I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this deal will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law immediately you acknowledge the good receipt of this message.
Anticipating your prompt response and you can reply to: bar.morris_douglas@dailycarnage.com
Yours Sincerely,
BAR. MORRIS DOUGLAS (ESQ).
I like the authenticity of the London address, but it’s slightly ruined by the email address. I then get another email from Frank Williams, who has now become a barrister too:
Hello My Dear Client,
Oh My God! Where have you been?.You cannot even communicate and just decided to dissapear like a whirle wind. Now payment is ready to be credited into your account but you are no where to be found even as I called your numbers none is responding,sometimes rang all through without being picking up.
All the relevant payment papers are all with me now and the bank can not remit Money into an account that the Beneficiary is not responding.As a matter of Urgency do contact me immediately to enable the Bank credit your account Immediately and let me have your current telephone Number.
This is what I have been fighting for a long time and now it has materialise without you being around and no where to be found.Pls You can call me immediately on my Number: +234-7025719479. OR via email at ( barrfrankwilliams24@yahoo.com.hk )
Barrister Frank Williams
That’s me, a whirle wind. Next up its another email from Nigeria’s Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, this time from the desk of Mrs Farida Waziri (I wonder what happened to the desk of Mrs. Rose Moore?). They still have the same motto: No Body is Above the LAW, but now I have to “BE CAREFUL OF THE HUDLOOMS / SCAMMERS” This one was a bit worrying:
From Nigeria Investigation office Efcc,there is presently a counter claims on your funds by one MR.JOHN WHEELER, who is presently trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you entered into an agreement with him,to help you in receiving your fund, So here comes the big question. Did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of (JOHN WHEELER).thereby making him the current beneficiary with his following account details: MR JOHN WHEELER, AC/NUMBER: 6503809428. ROUTING/122006743, B/NAME:CITI BANK, ADDRESS:NEW YORK,USA, we shall proceed to issue all payments details to the said Mr. John Wheeler, if we do not hear from you within the next two working days from today”
I hate that John Wheeler going round telling people I’m dead.
And then there was this:
MONITORING UNIT FROM THE OFFICE OF GENERAL JOSEPH
Value Attention.I resumed duty recently as policy harmonization chairman on public debt a committee set up by West African Monitoring Institution (WAMI) under the able presidency . My office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and financial institutions here in Africa that is to tell you that I am committed to up holding and defending the constitution and laws of West African Monitoring Institution as well as achieving a higher level of public safety and security through the prosecution of criminals in the state.The purpose of the committee among other is to investigate, verify and settle all outstanding total pending payment owned and Records before i resume work have revealed that your payment has not been effected as a result of official negligence as your fund has been identified either as ghost file, unclaimed deposits, and over-invoiced sum etc; this is due to many abnormalities had happened in the institutions where some top official of the apex Banks are interested in your payment and they collaborate with impostors who are carrying a fake portfolios with levies misled and misguided about the position of your fund and having the opportunity to extort money from you that made it too longer up till date that explains why you receive different kinds of untrue emails and phone call from different people everyday.so, be inform that we have concluded all the necessary arrangement towards the release of your payment but due to the prevailing situation worldwide on cash movement and transfer of hug sum of money, your payment has since being deposited with our (OFF-SHORE PAYMENT CENTRE) AFFILIATED TO WORLD ASSOCIATIONS OF DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICES.Base on the information we received from our paying office today, as the truthfully beneficiary of this payment, you are responsible to pay $145 for your FUND RELEASE FORM as the authorities demand which we described as selective payment to enable the programming of the information in the micro chip compartment which will comply with DEBT MANAGEMENT OFFICES to effect the transfer of your fund exactly on the particular date or period (24 hours) specified in the transfer script text for the fund to be made available to you any way you wish to receive it. Please reconfirm your name, address and telephone to this E-mail: (generaljoseph@lamazi.com) so that we can advice you on how to send the money across to enable us finalise this transfer this week.Your payment shall be made as soon as this information needed from you is submitted through our paying office by wire transfer or by a certify bank bond America Express Cheques all the transfer charges will be deducted from your total sum as long as you send the $145 for the programming of the information .the consequences of not adhering to this warning would be yours.Considering the circumstances at hand, you are advice not to accept any E-mail telephone calls that does not come from this office in regards to your payment this is to forestall new efforttowards a diversion of your payment. Accept our congratulations in advance. Best regards, Gen .Joseph Kone Guei
I love that it’s called WAMI. And that Private Joseph got to be a General without any knowledge of punctuation.
I was also left $30,100,000 in the will of Jurgen Krugger, which was nice of him.
Mrs Elizabeth Nosworth is a bit odd:
Dear Friend,
My name is Mrs. Elizabeth Nosworth, I am 56yrs old of age, I stay at 6618Flowermound Dr, Sugarland TX 78479, USA.
I am a good merchant with several industrial companies and good shares in various banks in the world. I have spent all my life on investments and corporate businesses. All the way I lost my husband and two beautiful kids in fatal accident that happened in November 5th 2008. I am a very greedy woman with all cost as I don't know how to love and care about people. Since I have this experience, its been difficult for me to sleep and give myself rest.
Later in the year I was sent a medical check up letter, as my personal Doctor testified that I have lung cancer which can easily take off my life soon. I find myself uneasy to survive because, a lot of investments cannot be run and managed by me again. I quickly called upon a pastor / prophet to give me positive thinking on this Issue, as my adviser.
He ministered to me to share my properties and wealth to the motherless baby/orphanage homes/people that need money for survivor both student that need money/ business men for their investment and for future rising. So I am writing this letter to people who really need help from me both student in college, to contact me urgently.
So that I can make available preparation on that especially women of the day, who are divorced by their husband, why they cannot survive the needs of feeding their self, Please contact me and stop weeping. Probably let me know what you really need the money for, and if you can still help me to distribute money to nearest orphanage homes near your town. Now am so much with God, am now born again.
May you be blessed as you reach me. I will give more information to you as I await your response immediately.
NB: If interested please reply to my alternative email below
Alternative Email: elizanosworth@gmail.com
Best Regards,
Mrs. Elizabeth Nosworth
I could do with calling upon a prophet - you don’t seem to get many prophets these days, but back in biblical days they were ten-a-penny.
Now the next came from Mr Femi Jones, except he begins:
I am Mr. Adekunle Elvis. a computer scientist working with central bank of Nigeria. I just started work with C.B.N. and I came across your file which was marked X and your released disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have paid VIRTUALLY all fees and but the fund was not released to you.
The most annoying thing is that they won't tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they allow you spend money unnecessarily, I do not intend to work here all the days of my life, I can release this fund to you if you can certify me of my security.
I needed to do this because you need to know the statues of your Funds and cause for the delay, Please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian. The only thing needed to release this fund is the Anti drug/terrorist clearance certificate which will be tendered to any of your nominated bank and the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS) for clearance of the transferred amount in your account.
Once the Anti drug /terrorist clearance certificate is obtained funds will immediately reflect in your bank within 10 Minutes, the certificate is all that is needed to complete this transaction.
Note that the actual funds are valued at $15.5 MILLION USD and the president made a compensation fund release for all unpaid beneficiary valued at $10 million usd.
Listed below are the mafias and banks behind the non release of your funds that managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.
He then lists 125 names, few of which are funny, the best are probably Kingsley Fred, Frank Francis, Paul Frank and Desmond Fred, from the baby book, Gloria Festus which is Latin, and Walter Freer < /font> which is a mistake.
Evans Green should give up now, he has no future in the Nigerian email scam business:
“Attn: Sir/Madam,
Although you might be apprehensive about my email as we have not met before,I am Mr Evans Green,I am a Banker i work with Bank Of England,There is the sum of $20,600,000.00 in my Bank "Bank Of England"London, There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come forward to claim it.
That is why I ask that we work together so as to have the sum transfered out of my Bank into your Bank Account or any other account of your choice. I will be pleased to see if you can help me and also be a good and trusted person. Once the funds have been transferred to your Nominated Bank Account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you,do send me a mail as soon as possible for more details here is my email address: green200019@googlemail.com
Regards
Mr Evans Green
And I don’t believe for one minute that Rajan R. Berry was Sir J. Paul Getty Jr.’s lawyer:
INTRODUCTION LETTER
WOODFORDS SOLICITORS
70-72 PARSONS GREEN LANE
I am writing you this mail with the purpose that we go into partnership. I am a solicitor Sir J. Paul Getty Jr., a philanthropist who passed on with a large sum of the records of his written will.
I have all the powers/privileges as his solicitor and do want to file the legal documents for the release of the money to you as the next of kin.
I wish to state that my reason for contacting you though we have not met is because I have been in the legal industry as such has no business experience nor managing charity home . Besides with the brief profile of yours in the internet, I feel that you will be capable to handle this project of great trust and benefit for the two of us. Therefore, I will rely on you to assist me in the charity home and possibly in investing my share in real estate. Out rightly, the money involved is quite a huge sum as you know .I do propose that we use part for charity and the rest we shall share in equal part.
The source of the money, I had stated this in afore that a deceased client of mine Sir J. Paul Getty Jr., had proposed that the money be used for charity, unfortunately, before he died we did not make a written statement to this effect in the will.
In your reply Please include:
1. Your full names
2. telephone+ mobile phone
3. Address
4. Age
5. Marital status
6. Occupation
With these information I will file the preliminary claim and estateexecution order so that we can start the legal process I will commence theprobate documentation immediately I receive your details. Please send theabove information TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL ONLY: rajan.berry@yahoo.com.hk
Thanks
Yours sincerely
Rajan R. Berry
Then we’re back to “are you dead or alive”:
FROM THE NEW ELECTED MINISTER: DR. SHAMSUDDEN USMAN (OFR) FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE,
5th Floor, Annex 3, New Federal Secretariat Complex,
Shehu Shagari Way, Central Area
Abuja - Nigeria .
Attention:Dear
My name is .DR. SHAM SUDDEN US MAN , I'm the the new Minister of Finance, I'm directed to contact you by the (UNITED NATION AND INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND )to urgently confirm from you if actually you know one Mrs mary dee prestion and COLLEAGUES who claim to be your business associate/ partner in your country .
The said Mrs mary dee prestion is claiming to us that you are dead and he will like to change all the Information that you gave to us as our bona fide beneficiary. Below is the new banking information were he wish to have this funds transferred to:-
Bank of America
6901 Northwest Expressway
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 73132
ABA: 026009593 (International)
ACCT. #:003042656833
ACCT: Name: FMS Investments Inc.
Signatory: Floyd M. Shelly
This development is coming up now that the Ministry want to offset all your outstanding payments to all our legal foreign beneficiaries’ around the world in which your payment file was affected.
As you may know, the total amount in your favor is a total sum of $37.5 Million U.S Dollars. We need to confirm from you if it's really true that you are dead and If we did not hear from you it automatically means that you are actually dead and the information passed to us by Mrs marry dee prestion is correct.
You are to respond to me as soon as you receive this message so as to know the true position of things with you so that we would not make any mistake in remitting your out-standing payment to a wrong person/account.
Your swift response will help this ministry a lot. Do email me with your full names and direct phone number for an easy communication, your age and occupation to this effect.
Best Regards,
DR. SHAMSUDDEN USMAN (OFR)
FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE (FMF)
CALL ME ON THIS NUMBER:+234-803311403.
I believe that Mrs mary dee prestion is in league with John Wheeler.
And Mrs. Janet White seems to be getting in on the same act - although the names are now getting better:
Attn: Beneficiary,
The World Bank and United Nations Organization have officially approved to pay you part payment of your contract/inheritance/award funds.This decision was made last week.With this development,a woman by name (MRS. JANET WHITE) came to our office with an application stating that you gave her the power of attorney to be the beneficiary of your outstanding contract/Inheritance/award funds.She made us to believe that you are dead and that she is your next of kin.We got your email address and decided to send an email through this address hoping to find out if you are dead or alive and also to find out if you at any time give this woman the power of attorney to represent you.
Please let us know also if you are aware of this development,hence we are almost ready to transfer part payment of $1.3m USD of your outstanding funds to her nominated bank account stated below:
Bank Name:Washington Mutual Bank
Address:1723 Palmdale Bulv.
Palmdale Ca. 93550
Acct # : 3573813158
Rout # : 322271627
Swift code # : WMSBUS66
Beneficiary:JANET WHITE
If you are not aware of the above instruction, do respond to this email immediately by contacting the head of the International remittance department (Mr.Michael Geoghegan).
His contact informations are written below:
Name:Mr.Michael Geoghegan.
For immediate transfer of your funds be informed that you are not allowed to correspond or contact any person or office with respect to this transfer other than this office, you are required to send to him an email with your full name,Company or Residential address and your direct Telephone number,Fax Number and your mobile phone where you can be reach at all time.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr.Alex Hungate.
FOR HSBC BANK LONDON
And the next came from Barrister Judy with the subject line “”Compliment of the day.”:
Compliment of the day.
I am Barrister Samuel Chambers working as The Head Legal Department in Central Bank of Nigeria. I was the new appointed officer in this department, when I am going through all the files in the office, I saw a file in your name stating that abandoned fund worth of US$ Millions of Dollars belongs to you and the fund is due to transfer to you. Please, I want to know from you the reason why you abandoned such big fund up till this time without any claim. You are advise to get back to me and I promise to help you so that you will receive your abandoned fund from this office without any delay as soon as I read from you with your thoughts regarding my opinion on this matter.
You are advised to get back to me as soon as you receive this message to enable me know what to do to help you receive your fund.
Regards,Judy Reisberg
FOR: Barrister Samuel Chambers
The Head Legal Department
And so it goes on:
From Dr Lamido Sanusi
Central. Bank Of Nigeria.
(Governor)
+234-803-8232123
Sir
I am Dr Lamido Sanusi. The Executive Governor, Central. Bank Of Nigeria. I decided to contact you because of the prevailing security report reaching my office and the intense nature of politics in Nigeria. This is to inform you about our plan to send your fund to you via cash delivery. This system will be easier for you and for us. We are going to send your contract part payment of US$10. Million to you via diplomatic courier service. Note: The money is coming on 2 security proof boxes. The boxes are sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. This fund was brought to us from America.
But since the money was not used, I will use my position as the Executive Governor,Central. Bank Of Nigeria. to send this fund to you. The boxes are coming with a Diplomatic agent who will accompany the boxes to your house address. All you need to do now Is to send to me your full house address and your identity such as, international passport or drivers license including your contact phone numbers, The Diplomat will make use of your information to identify you and as a reciever. He will call you immediately he arrives your country's airport. I hope you understand me.
Note: The diplomatic does not know the original contents of the boxes. What l declared to them as the contents is Sensitive Photographic Film Material. I did not declare money to them please. If they call you and ask you the contents please tell them the same thing Ok.
Call me on my direct mobile: +234-803-8232123 and will let you know how far I have gone with the arrangement. I will secure the Diplomatic immunity clearance certificate that will be tagged on the boxes to make it stand as a diplomatic consignment. This clearance will make it pass every custom checkpoint all over the world without hitch. Confirm the receipt of this message and send the requirements to me immediately you receive this message.
Please I need urgent reply because the boxes are schedule to be delivered as soon as we hear from you. Call me immediately you receive this message.
Best Regards,
Dr Lamido Sanusi
Central. Bank Of Nigeria (Governor)
+234-803-8232123
So now I’m waiting for diplomats to knock on my door carrying big boxes full of money. One email actually included a photograph of a big box of money just in case I was having trouble imagining what such a thing would look like.
Lines inevitably get crossed sometimes. With so many barristers writing to me it’s not surprising that Linda Cheng assumes I have a wig.
Dear Counsel.
My name is Linda cheng. I am a contacting your firm in regards to a divorce settlement with my ex husband(Randy L. Cheng) who resides in your jurisdiction. I am currently on assignment in Japan. We had an out of court agreement for him to pay $350,450.00 plus legal fees. He has only paid me $50,000 since .I am hereby seeking your firm to represent me in collecting the balance from him. He has agreed already to pay me the balance but it is my belief that a Law firm like yours is needed to help me collect payment from my ex-husband or litigate this matter if he fails to pay as promised.
Sincerely
Linda Cheng.
Then the F.B.I. (ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION) get involved:
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J.. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Attention:Beneficiary
Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the past you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen, Mr Jim Ovia,Mrs Farrida Wazirri and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau of Investigation. The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center (IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one no!t referred to you by us. We have negotiated with the Fee
Your fund has been ready for remittance to you by the online bank account/ATM Card set aside for your choice of payment.
YOUR ONLINE BANK ACCOUNT:
(1) Yoor username and password will be given to you so that you can perform your transfer by your self into the account of your choice(Your private account)
(2) The fund is rightfully deposited at the First City Monument Bank (FCMB)
*Logon to our NRN online banking site
*click on login to e-Banking
*Make use of your username and password below for easy access to your account.
www.fcmbankonline-com.tk
Username: 346777891
Password: 357*******
Acct #: 402015803455738
YOUR ATM CARD:
(1) REFERENCE RELEASE NO: 544261
(2) PAYMENT CODE NO: 5050(
3) MERIT NO: 401024
(4) ALLOCATION NO: CBN 2901233
(5) FUND IDENTIFICATION NO: DM7171
(6) PIN CODE: Pin **** (NOT SPECIFIED FOR SECURITY REASON)
(7) CARD NUMBER: 4000 101025717299
The issuing bank for your ATM Card is United Bank For Africa (UBA Group).Your Atm Card will be delivered via UPS Courier service has signed by the Bank.
Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.
(www.ups.com)
Name : Donna L. Vargas
UPS Tracking Number: 1Z757F991598420403
Name : Rovenda Elaine Clayton
UPS Tracking Number: 1Z757F991596606592
Do contact the below information immediately so he will direct you on how to get your Fund.
Contact Person Information
Name:Rev.Peter Iverson
Email: revpeteriverson@live.co.uk
Phone: +234-703-243-1043
You are to provide him with the following details:
1) Your full names and mailing address (P.O Box is not accepted)....
2) Phone, fax and mobile .....................
3) Company's name, position and address...........
4) Profession,sex,age and marital status...........
5) Working Id/Int'l passport copy.................
6) Your full bank account informations..........
Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your Fund, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Rev.John Smith of the ATM card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it immediately. Help stop cyber crime.
Regards
Robert Mueller 111
FBI Director
Note: Contact Rev.John Smith
Email: revpeteriverson@live.co.uk
Phone: +234-703-243-1043
So that one must be genuine, whereas I’m not so sure about this:
I am Barr. john will,
Never blame me any fualt, since you refuse to answer my emails all this while, I have to find another way of completing the transaction because i told you earlier that i can not afford to loose the fund.It is a pleasure to let you know about my success in getting those fund transffered under the cooperation of a new partner from Greece. I didn't forget your past efforts to assit me in transffering those funds.
Now contact my secretary. MR. PETER EZE .send him your full name, mailing address and your contact telephone number for a direct communication with him. His email is;(p_eze2200@yahoo.fr)
Ask him to send you the total $2.500,000 million dollars only certified bank cheque which is raised for your compensation.I did this simply to show you that it is good to do good things to the right people so feel free and get intouched with him.Let me know immediately you receive it for us to share the joy.i'm very busy here with investment projects which i am having at hand,finally,i left instruction to MR. PETER EZE, on your behalf, so feel free to get intouch with her.
With my best regards,
Barr. john will,
And the authenticity of the following was undermined by the fact that the message was repeated five times in the email:
From:Lady Martha Stirling,
12889 Surrey Avenue, Chelsea, SW3, England.
I am Lady Martha Stirling,Laird of Keir,recently my Doctor diagnosed that i have limited days to live due to cancerous illness which i am suffering right now,as my late husband was renowned for his philanthropic grant,Sir D.S,Chairman of Stirling & Wright General Partners,i hereby bequeath you with my£20 Million Pounds to build a Martha Stirlings Foundation,as my sole benefactor for charitable purposes and i will also issue a Letter of Authority that will empower you as my beneficiary of this fund through my Lawyer,please respond using my personal email address:ladymarthastirlings2@gmail.com
Lady Martha Stirling.
E-mail Add: ladymarthastirlings2@gmail.com
And that’s a very long avenue, even for the great City of London.
The answer seems to be to travel down to Nigeria and sort it out firsthand, the course taken by Mrs. Beverly Fowler:
I am Mrs. Beverly Fowler; I am a US citizen, 48 years Old. I reside Blockton Iowa 3213 . My residential address is as follows 3213 290 th Street, Blockton, Iowa 50836 , United States , am thinking of moving since I am now wealthy. I am one of those that took part in the Compensation in Nigeria many years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid over $42,000 while in the US , trying to get my payment all to no avail.
So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my compensation documents, And I was directed to meet Mr. Paul Jackson, who is the member of COMPENSATION AWARD COMMITTEE and a Human Rights Activist (Lawyer), and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said whoever is contacting us through emails are fake.
He took me to the paying bank for the claim of my Compensation payment. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth because I have received my compensation funds amounting to $850,000.00 Moreover, Mr. Mark Johnson, showed me the full information of those that are yet to receive their payments and I saw your email as one of the scam victims, that is why I decided to email you to stop dealing with those people, they are not with your fund,
They are only making money out of you. I will advise you to contact Mr. Mark Johnson.
You have to contact him directly on this information below.
COMPENSATION AWARD HOUSE
Name: Mr. Mark Johnson (Barrister)
Email: markj@prodigy.net
You really have to stop dealing with those people that are contacting you and telling you that your fund is with them, it is not in anyway with them, they are only taking
Advantage of you and they will dry you up until you have nothing.
The only money I paid after I meet Mr. Mark Johnson was just $390 for the paper works, take note of that.
Thank You and Be Blessed.
Mrs. Beverly Fowler
3213 290 th Street, Blockton, Iowa 50836
USA .
And then the Chinese get involved:
FROM:LEE LU YANG
EMAIL: leeyang711@gmail.com
For Your Kind Attention:
I am Lee Lu Yang, Business Relations Manager for the HuaXia Bank in HONG KONG. I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate of a deceased client with similar last name with you and an investment placed under our banks management.
I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication.
In 2000, the subject matter, Mr. Alfred came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of 8.35 million United States dollars, which he wished to have us invest on his behalf.
Based on my advice, we spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over 10 million United States Dollars. In mid 2002, he instructed that the principal sum (8.35M) be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments in Hong Kong . We got in touch with a specialist bank in Hong Kong the Guangdong Development Bank (GDB) who agreed to receive this money for a fee and make cash available to Alfred. However Guangdong Development Bank got in touch with us last year that this money has not been claimed. On further enquiries we found out that Alfred was involved in an accident in Mainland China , which means he died intestate. He has no next of kin and the reason I am writing you is because you have same surname.
What I propose is that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. The Guangdong Development Bank will contact you informing you that money has been willed to you. On verification, which will be the details I make available to HuaXia bank. GDB will be instructed to make payments to you after all the necessary verification and application is done. You do not have to really know Alfred. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in half. In the banking circle this happens every time. The other option is that the money will revert back to the state.
Nobody is getting hurt; this is a lifetime opportunity for us. I hold the KEY to these funds, and as a Chinese National we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily. I would want us to keep communication for now strictly by the above telephone, fax and email.
Also do well to provide me with your full informations and contact details including your direct: FAX AND TELEPHONE NUMBERS and confidential email via the email and fax number listed above.
Please, again, note I am a family man, I have a wife and children. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should act swiftly on this. Please get back to me immediately via email .I shall provide you my telephone number on response to this email.
LEE LU YANG (MR)
Sorry for betraying Mr Lee Lu Yang’s confidence, but my name is nothing like Mr. Alfred.
After China, Ecuador:
Edmund Hill
BRANCH MANAGER
Banco pichincha Quito Ecuador.
Hello,
My name is Edmund Hill, I am the branch manager of the Banco pichincha Quito Ecuador. I got your information during my search on on the Internet. I am 46years of age and married with 3 lovely kids. It may interest you to know that I am a man of peace and I don't want problems, but I do not know how you will feel about this because you may have double mind. But I am telling you that this is real and you are not going to regret after doing this transaction with me. I only hope that we can assist each other. But if you don't want this business offer kindly forget it and I will not contact you again.
I have packaged a financial transaction that will benefit both of us, as the regional manager of Banco pichincha Quito Ecuador; it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city (Quito Ecuador) at the end of each year. On the course of the last year 2008 end of last year report, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made three million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollar [$3, 750.000.00] which my head office is not aware of it and will never be aware of. I have since place this fund on what we call suspense account without any beneficiary.
As an official of the bank I can not be directly connected to this fund, so this informed me of contacting you for us to work, so that you can assist and receive this fund into your bank account for us to SHARE. Mean While you will have 35% of the total fund, Note there are practically no risk involved, it will be bank to bank transfer, all I need from you is to stand claim as the original depositor of this fund who made the deposit with our branch so that my Head office can order the transfer to your designated bank account.
If you accept this offer to work with me, I will appreciate it very much as soon as I receive your response I will give you details on how we can achieve it successfully. Please contact me with this email address: hilledmund@sify.com
Edmund Hill
Thus are all the nations of the world united in the pursuit of boxes of money.
Then there was a brief note from Johnson Rickky (with two ks), and another ‘Three Kings’ deal from Sgt. Jarvis Reeves, and back to Nigeria for a standard deal from Mr. Collins Mike, and a cryptic one from Yan:
Dear Friend,
I will like to discuss a very important issue with you. I wrote to know if this is your valid email. Please, let me know if this email is valid.
My valid Email is: ynynl@live.cn
Yan.
And then:
EMAIL FROM MRS FARIDA MZAMBER WAZIRI / I WAIT YOUR REPLY
There is presently a counter claims on your funds by one MR.JOHN WHEELER, who is presently trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you entered into an agreement with him,to help you in receiving your fund, So here comes the big question. Did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of (JOHN WHEELER).
Consequently, we received a directive from the office of the president,ordering the above office to settle all genuine contractors whose debts has beenoutstanding for a long time now.and for those that shown sufficient proof regarding the release of their fund,And we wish to inform you that in our record here, you have fulfilled such conditions as the rightful beneficiary of the said $7.5Million Dollars.
But the reasons why your own Transfer has to be delayed is because, there is presently a counter claims on your funds by one MR.JOHN WHEELER, who ispresently trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you entered into an agreement with him, to help you in receiving your fund, So here comes the big question. Did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of (JOHN WHEELER). there by making him the current beneficiary with his following account details: MR JOHN WHEELER, AC/NUMBER: 6503809428. ROUTING/122006743,B/NAME:CITI BANK, ADDRESS:NEW YORK,USA.
Please if you did not sign, or authorize MR.JOHN WHEELER to receive your payment on your behalf, kindly reconfirm to us, for your urgent release the Premium immediately, Please Reconfirm your genuine ADDRESS (information) ! your bank information were you want this payment to be transfered including your phone number for verification Or call us, to avoid making payment to a wrong person, attempt to divert your payment to a new account without your knowledge.
Just email the bank and let them know that you did not sent Mr John Wheeler, I will also give them your email Address so that them can email you on how you going to receive your fund
1) CONTACT NAME: MR. PETER WILLIAMS
2) BANK NAME:IBTC CHARTERED BANK PLC
3) TELE PHONE NUMBER +23470-8428-5741 or +23470-4218-8595
4) OFFICIAL E-mail: ibtccharteredbk@sify.com
Please note that you have less than 48hrs to get in contact with the paying bank before they proceed to issue all payments to the said MR JOHN WHEELER.
Mrs. Farida Mzamber Waziri
Chairman Efcc Investigation Office Nigeria
Bugger! John Wheeler is going to get all my money because he’s convinced them I’m dead. Right, that’s it, I’ve had enough. Besides, what has this got to do with Transformationalism?
HELLO,
WE HAVE A VERY BEAUTIFUL ENGLISH MALE AND FEMALE 9 WEEKS OLD ENGLISH BULL DOG TO GIVE AWAY FOR ADOPTION,DUE TO OUR PRESENT JOB WE ARE WILLING TO GIVE IT AWAY TO SOMEONE THAT CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM THE WAY WE ALWAYS DO SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED EMAIL ME BACK THROUGH MY EMAIL: gentlecloud@sify.com
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
PAUL & AMY WILLIAMS.
We seem to have slipped into some animal branch of the scam, the days of the big box of money are gone and we are now no longer a respected lawyer, more a vet:
Mr. Jamse Molla
Abidjan.
Cote d'Ivoire.
Good Day,
I write to solicit your assistance and supports to enable me execute a very lucrative and high profiting business transaction. I work for an Ivorien based import and export firm ("a-MIC"), I work as the product sourcing manager.
Between the 1st -07th of July, 2007 a business seminar was held in BOUAKE Cote D'Ivoire of which I attended. While in the Seminar, I was opportune to meet ALHAJI ABDUL RAHMAN BELLO, the President of RAHMAN BELLO GROUP (WA) LTD. ALHAJI ABDUL RAHMAN BELLO is an accomplished and widely known and recognized millionaire farmer in this part of the region.
He has cattle farms in different countries. On getting to know my profession, Alhaji informed me about the purchase of a very important cattle medicine. He informed me that he buys this product at $5,000.00 USD per carton, and that he used to buy more than 1000 cartons quaterly.He asked me if my organization could source for him a cheaper supplier of this medicine considering the recent trend of falls in the general price of beef in the world market which is affecting his business.
Back in my office, I discussed this proposal with my boss and he decided to handle the supply by himself. We carried out a market research and discovered that we could purchase this medicine somewhere cheaper in EUROPE for $2,000.00 USD per carton. We moved a proposal to Alhaji to make the supply to them at $4,800.00 USD per carton of which he accepted. Owing to my role in the transaction, my boss offered to be paying me 15% of total gain after each supply.
But on the completion of the supply my boss reneged on our agreement and refused to give me my share of the profit. Since then our relationship has been at its lowest ebb. I have since accepted it as one of life experiences.
However, as God would have it, recently, I ran into Alhaji and he informed me that he would want us to urgently supply him with 1250 cartons of the same product before the end of Next month. I used the opportunity to inform Alhaji that I can introduce him to the main producer of this vaccine who can supply him the product at $4,400.00 USD if he will pay in advance as he usually does.
He was very pleased and has assured me that he is not going to contact my boss again for this vaccine. He is now waiting for me to link him to the producer of the vaccine. We will buy the medicine at $2,000.00 USD from EUROPE and sell at $4,400.00 USD TO Alhaji , with him making a down payment of 50% of our quoted price first.
If you are interested and capable of executing this supplies on my behalf, kindly get back to me urgently through my e-mail.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Yours sincerely,
Mr.Jamse Molla.
Finally, on the 14th February, I received 8 identical emails from John Williams. The Transformationalist connection is finally revealed.
Dear Friend,
I am a Diplomat named Prof.John Williams, mandated to deliver your inheritance to you in your country of residence.The funds total US$7.5 Million and you were made the beneficiary of these funds by a benefactor whose details will be revealed to you after handing over the funds to you in accordance with the Agreement I signed with the benefactor when he enlisted my assistance in delivering the funds to you. I am presently at JFK Airport in the United States of America, before I can deliver the funds to you, re-confirm:1.Full Name,2.Residential Address3.Age 4.Occupation 5.Direct Telephone Numbers So as to ensure that I am dealing with the right person. Send the requested information to (john1965williams@yahoo.co.uk) so that we can proceed.
Regards
Prof.John Williams
So, no more. Well, just one:
ATTENTION
I am Yusuf Ibraheem,Director African Development Bank. this note was taken in my office where i was serving verification documents to the White men Mr Joan michael and Mr David who stormed my office in company of Mr. Gila Uwa (on white African attire).The black man claimed to be your representative and the supervisory Engineer that supervised and Afrian Development Bank. Services(OUR BANK) because of their inability to have paid it at the agreed time.
They said that you were dead and before your death, you appointed them as the next of kin to your contract fund presently under our custody these two white men and the blackgentleman quickly applied that your Inherited fund should be presented to them at the spot.The Official responsible for the presentation of consignment quickly granted approvals to their application and packaged the fund for them to go with it .When the Afrian Development Bank Services Debit Note was submitted to my desk for final Approvals before forwarding it to them for endorsement, I noticed that there are discrepancies as there was no evidence of authorization letter from you for the change of beneficiary.
I urgently summoned The Official responsible for the presentation of the fund and directed him to stop the movement of the funds and at the same time placed a stop order instruction on the funds pending when your views and comments are received with regards to this matter.Please study the attached photograph and respond to me urgently for your comments which will be highly appreciated, but we will not hesitate to continue the payment transmission to them if no response comes from you. Contact me on this Email: (A.D.B.00911@w.cn) immediately as your silence will be a clear indication that you authorized them to effect the above changes.
Best Regard,
Yusuf Ibraheem.
Dr.African Development Bank
Or two:
Dear Friend,
With due respect, I am requesting for your sincere cooperation in Building a Tourist Hotel or Commercial Real Estate in your Country/City.
I am sorry if this is not in line with your profession. Your positive response shall be treated if you are willing to help.
I anticipate your positive and immediate response.
Regards,
George Princewill.
I thought I was a vet, not an architect.
***
January 2010
Happy Transformationalistic New Year.
Just came across this - bit scary. Wonder whether I should join up and give them the benefit of a Stoke point of view. During the recent English Defence League’s (“we’re not racists, but”) meeting in Hanley, most people just stayed at home and let them get on with it. Maybe the Transformationalist's Black Swan Society should try that in Afghanistan.
***
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